After spending nine hours teaching, one hour grocery shopping/running errands, two hours napping, and one hour prepping for class, my first thought is I should be at a loss as to what to write. Surely nothing interesting could have happened in such a jam packed day. Oh, but there is the pitfall that leads to viewing life as some mundane, meaningless, waste of time. So let's not do that. Besides, I am sure you are not reading to hear me piss and moan.
So I've got this old dog. We've been together happily for 14 1/2 years (which is much more than I can say for any of my human relationships). As I explained it to my freshmen today though, all relationships with dogs end badly. One of you is going to die before the other (and you really hope it is the dog). I guess that could be said for all relationships, regardless of species. I guess I wouldn't carry this argument over to humans. The logic holds, just don't do it. It won't yield anything remotely positive or hopeful. Either way, chances are that your dog is going to die before you. That kind of sucks for you, and for me.
I am left with this weird decision though. Barkley (He wasn't named after the basketball player, the Sesame Street character, or the creepy, insecure guy from Star Trek. I wanted to name him Chewbacca, but my family members did not agree.) probably isn't going to die suddenly. He has a large tumor in his belly that is pushing on some of his organs and crowding them a bit. At his age, surgery is risky at best, so I am just trying to make him comfortable and let nature take its course. The issue is, I have to gauge when his suffering becomes greater than his quality of life. Then I need to take the initiative to ease him out of his misery.
It seems like there is little preparation for life experiences such as this. When else would you have to make this judgment call? I wasn't raised on some farm where life and death is a regular occurrence. I can't kick it Old Yeller style and put my dog out of misery by shooting him in the head behind the tool shed. Partially because I neither own a gun, nor a tool shed. But I digress. I feel like we should have included pets with that whole "death-panel health care reform" dealy. Maybe if there is a group of well-qualified veterinarians taking the responsibility out of my hands, I would be able to sleep easier at night. Where was our end of life planning? Once again, if we carry this example over to the human end of things, I fear that we would be putting too many people out of their misery. How many people go through their days, rarely enjoying a thing, only to wake up and start it all over again? If quality of life is our only determiner, we would be looking at mass genocide of the proletarian class to say the least. Would it actually be more humane to put them out of their misery just as I will eventually put Barkley out of his? Suddenly, I have the impression that we are treating our pets better than people, and we treat them pretty crappy.
In the midst of all this indecision, one thing is pretty much for sure. Sometime during the next few weeks, I will definitely be killing my dog. Let's be honest, that's what it is. It is a mercy killing, but a killing nonetheless. I've thought that maybe we should do it Hollywood style and have him overdose on prescription pain killers. That really seems to be in vogue these days. But that seems to go hand-in-hand with having an eating disorder, and the only type Barkley is interested in involves heavily over-eating. That is definitely not Hollywood style. Besides, the logistics of it are rather difficult. Although the story would be great. I imagine an exchange going somewhat like this:
Sympathizer: "Oh, I am so sorry to hear that your dog died. How did it happen?"
Me: "He overdosed on some OxyContin that he chased with a bottle of Jose Cuervo. I always told him those vices would be the death of him, but he never wanted to listen to me. Don't even get me started..."
The kicker is that it would be true. I never was a good liar. Honestly though, I think I would be appropriately fined and possibly jailed for such an act, so I think I will just let nature take its course. I don't know what I will decide or when, but rest assured, I will examine it openly in this semi-public forum.
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